Stars are very important to me, I guess in some way it is my childlike concept that those who have gone before us can be found in the stars. Something that resonated with me from watching “The Lion King”. I know it is true but it keeps me connected.
Let me explain. The evening Yolanda passed I went out into the garden and found solace in that I could look up into the night sky and choose any star to be there. This way she was still there. I could still talk to her and console myself that she hadn’t left us completely alone. The stars kept me connected in the dark days.
The next evening was overcast, I could see the stars, I had lost my connection to Yolanda, I sobbed and sobbed, called my mother who in her magical way of understanding heard me and comforted me even though she herself had lost a daughter and a friend. In that moment, although at the time I didn’t realise it, I was being taught a valuable lesson. Even though I had lost my best friend, confidant and wife there were still people on this earth who loved and cared for me, and by reciprocal thought there were those who still needed my love and support in these dark days.
As I said above, I didn’t realise the lesson at the time, and for that I am grateful but also sorry. I am grateful that you gave me the space to grieve and I am sorry that my pain was so huge that it didn’t allow me to acknowledge or see your pain. Keeping all the lessons learnt, all be it slowly, the stars still hold great meaning for me. Yolanda you taught me many great lessons both in life and death.
The stars remind me to be grateful for our time together.
The Unbelief of Grief 