This has been something that I have been grappling with for a while. I am not talking about the reality of Yolanda having passed away and no longer being with us physically. I have to deal with the reality every single day, life has changed.
It is the emotional acceptance that I am referring to. The area in my life where my thoughts and emotions reside.
If I allow myself to come to terms with no longer sharing my life without my soulmate does that mean I am defeated. Does it mean that I am now going to map the path forward on my own terms?
The other side to this question is am I ready and do I even want to move on. A greater part of my life was spent knowing Yolanda. How is it possible to shut this area of my life off? Is it necessary to shut off this part of my life.
After much grappling I believe I have my answer. I believe that my line of questioning is wrong. I believe that my approach to this can only end in epic failure. So how do I change all of this. I strongly feel that a mindset change will assist in this regard.
“A mindset change” I hear you say with a quizzical stare. What I mean is that I need to focus on all the things I can be grateful for. I have found this approach to be much more rewarding. It reminds that all is not lost and that I have some really good reasons to push forward with this journey.
So then what would be defeat if acceptance isn’t. I my opinion defeat would be to flounder around and allow the oppressive beast of depression to take me further and further down until there is no further to go.
I choose not to take this path, although at times it is incredibly convincing that it is the only path to take. I opt to take the path that is the least easiest in the believe that one day, not today and maybe not next year, I will be able to look back at this journey and be proud of the experience and learning that I have gained.